its day two of reading week… and i’ve started studying.

been reading my pre-modern japanese history notes and i am totally lost. no idea how to start revision. its just content and content and i don’t know how to frame it… it’s all fuzzy. it’s even worse for european lit. i’m just stuck foaming at the texts trying to get a handle on them. doesn’t help that i didn’t do well for the essays. man. i hate this feeling. it’s like doing math and chinese all over again. wanting to be able to do it but unable to achieve any sort of victory at all.

been staying in hall and somehow hall seems… more dead. people go to the library to mug. return at mad hours of the day. people stay up late. crazy. but during the course of the day, everything is just silent. the sun beats down and the air is still and people are… studying? i don’t get it. do people really study the whole day? isn’t it boring? i know it is necessary and people want to do well – i have nothing against that at all. heck, i want to do well too. but to study the whole day. i cannot understand it. i did it during A level prep. 8am in the library, break at 12 for lunch, start again at 1, study till 7, dinner till 8, study till 9, go home, sleep by 10.30, repeat. every day.

and now, in uni, after the army break, i just can’t do it. i have no more mega study stamina (not that i had a lot to begin with). i cannot sit down and whack. because i don’t want to. because it is so boring!!! and dreadful. and trudge-inducing. it makes me feel like i’m slogging through a swamp. and there’s so many better things to do. i’m doing it because i have no choice. it is foamy. and okay i study, but i cannot study so many hours a day. how does one do it? isn’t studying a fair amount enough? let me say again that i have nothing against people who can study 12 hours a day. in fact, i respect them for a sheer determination that i do not possess. a will to succeed and to complete things. it is incredible. but it is simply that i cannot comprehend it. it is beyond me. i do not understand how one can sit in the library, unmoving, for three hours, reading notes and cramming stuff. i sit at my table for an hour and i already get super restless. i have to walk up and down the corridor, eat some food, fill my water bottle, go to the toilet, let out a primal roar or two. well. that’s studying for you. i don’t like it. not at all.

note: haven’t watched skyfall. sad case.

watched Ah Boys To Men. If you don’t mind me saying, its a pretty slick piece of soft propaganda championing NS. maybe propaganda isn’t the right word… but definitely. it is a pretty good way of saying ‘hey boy, take a positive outlook to NS’, in a very self-deprecatory Singaporean way. i think it’s going to be something that says something to people.a

after i came out of the show, i was talking to nic and kinshun about who would get the jokes. of course all the NSmen and people who are serving and have served will get it. i found certain parts absolutely hilarious. very very Singaporean humour. but then i thought about what effect this film would have on boys who haven’t enlisted yet. i wonder. will they be pumped? will they be afraid? will the over-sibei-on recruits who declare to everyone that they want to go to OCS on the first day of BMT recognize themselves as such? will those who plan to chao keng recognize that a chao keng life is a lousy one? nation-building classes have stressed the importance of national service as a national institution, something core to the Singaporean identity. definitely man. watching the movie… i felt like i wish i had a chance to be a BMT PC, and maybe shape the lives of one or two recruits here and there: push them towards hopefully the right choices, make sure people do the right thing. i think i would have enjoyed it. it would be like being a teacher. a bit.

oh well. i had seriously considered a career in the armed forces but i guess it didn’t pan out. not that i regret. it’s just not what i wanted to do the most in the end. and even though army might not be enjoyable… there are enjoyable moments, and it is definitely a learning experience. i wonder what reservist is going to be like. i hope i don’t forget all the stuff that i have learnt. hopefully still can use and i won’t be just another dude trying to finish his two weeks of obligatory duty.

note: my favourite oppa gangnam style parody here.

have planned my holiday training schedule and it is, well, exciting. daily trainings? here’s hoping my body doesn’t break down and my ankles don’t fail me and nothing happens to my knees. i have training days from 9-12, 12-3, 3-5, 6-8, 9-11. oh my. looks like i won’t be doing all those trainings. oh dear. oh my. the problem also is eating properly… i need a nutrition plan that WORKS. so that i can pop stuff into my mouth that doesn’t slow down recovery. eat more veggies? raw veg? apple a day? i think going to need more than apple a day. yoghurt? more nutritious stuff. but i like yummy stuff too. i predict much suppers.

and christmas season food! oh my. feast feast.

in some way i am dreading the holiday training period. overtraining is definitely a risk and gotta make sure that i learn to say no to trainings. because if i go… injury is a real risk. man. life is tough. at least all the sleep that i get will be good sleep. sheer exhaustion. ah well. holidays are always great, some are just greater than others.

note: i need new music. anyone got some music to share? i keep listening to the same things over and over again.

okay starting to sneeze i guess i’m allergic to studying


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One thought on “

  1. NXY says:

    take it easy dude…. when everything’s over lets go for some good food and ice cream
    maybe you need to spend time away from sch and more at home

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