as usual, i’m stuck writing an essay, eating nuts, and lost for some writing moxie, i turn to my blog to loosen my writing juice.
point 1: macadamias are the most delicious nut ever.
am snacking on Nature’s Wonders ‘The Royal Mix’, which is absolutely expensive at 8.80 a pack but i treat myself to it once in a blue moon. it is really epic. macadamias, cashews, almonds, pistachios, walnuts, and cranberries. holy moley. love it to bits.
point 2: chocolate is essential to life. no doubt.
no more points.
now. time to ruminate on life. ruminate… sounds like eating grass and farting like a cow.
this sem i am training for floorball basketball handball swimming. however i have realized that it has come to the point where i am training every day… to the point that i don’t enjoy my training any more. i used to love going to the gym and pushing myself. or trying to master some dribbling technique, to become faster and more efficient in making a move. or just glory in the fact that i am healthy enough to do pushups. that i have time to do crunches.
but now it feels like training is a chore, i’m just going because i have to go, i have to maintain my skills… sometimes i don’t feel like i’m learning anything. fatigue? probably. that’s why i’m really looking forward to reading week. no official training. i can go shoot by myself, go gym by myself, go run by myself, whatever. easy. doing what i like. cos as much as i like having a programme to keep to, training every day just isn’t feasible. i thought i could do it at the start of the sem, but now i see that i can’t. biting off too big a piece of the pie? probably.
as such my grades are suffering. simply not doing as well as i want to. but i guess i have to pay the the price of the choices that i make. well, maybe paying the price is not an appropriate term, it sounds very negative. just gotta deal with the consequences. lol. still negative. but yes in life when you choose to do something, you just gotta follow it through.
i can’t get a handle on my lit stuff. pretty hard trying to do well when you can’t figure out exactly what the topic is. or what you have to engage with. or deal with. hence the fact that i am not doing my work, because i can’t get a handle on it. fear of not being able to do what you have to… fear of failure? guess i am having a touch of it now. running away from what i’m scared of. but in the end just gotta man up and do it. manning up is easy to say, good to talk about, but darn hard to do. making the right choice is often the most difficult thing because the right choice is always the harder choice. that’s why it’s right.
i heard a funny things about right things though. two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do. pretty funny! in a lame joke kind of way.
another thing that caleb showed me from his psych textbook.
that being strong doesn’t mean that you keep it all to yourself. being strong means acknowledging that you can’t do it on your own, and then go out and be willing to seek help. because two or more are stronger than just one person.
does that apply to tears? when you cry, you’re not reining in whatever is choking you up. suppressing stuff just pushes it behind, puts in into a box that you compartmentalize in your head. when you let it out you acknowledge whatever is weighing on you, letting it out into the open and dealing with it. it takes a different kind of strength to do that.
tears? reading Weeping Woman in the Streets of Prague now, extremely strange, yet i enjoy it somehow. not the kind of thing i normally enjoy, but good nonetheless. i think it is only the second of the 7 texts i have for european lit that i actually like. i have decided that i am staying away from european lit. i do not click well with it.
so reading week is coming. i am really looking forward to it. hoo-yah. rangers lead the way