and today is sunday (okay technically monday)
and it has been two days since i last finished my last exam of university, year 1.
a most quick time has gone by, and flashed by mine eyes before i know so. time is ever the fleeting thief which gifts us with experience which we only know after it is gone.
as i finished my last paper i walked out of the LT with a strange oddness of feeling, one that is akin to the ORD feeling. i think i have grown accustomed to the endings of chapters as such: PSLE ending was big, but thats the largest ending i can recall in recent memory. a levels ending was no big deal, ord was no big deal. it just… happened. commissioning was different because it was a celebration of completion.
anyway here i stand now, on the edge of the holidays, where many fun things await, many things to give myself to. for i abide by the belief that man must live for something bigger, and have things to do.
year 1 was good. i managed to do decently well enough in grades but i guess the biggest thing thus far has been living in hall – it has been a refreshing exercise in self-control and self-discovery. in my great propensity to give myself over to institutions i find that i have been distinctly more reticent in this aspect: i have not given myself over to hall. previously i gave myself to BB (the 60th company will stand ever strong in the fortresses of my heart) which was totally worth it. but since then there have been many institutions which have appeared and made their mark but i have found that nothing else can compare with the totality that is Christ. it is difficult to say this without sounding hypocritical (a most common concern) but it is true. in Christ we find a completion and a perfection that no human institution can fulfill. which is also something i have learnt over the years.
but hall has been good to me. i have learnt much about being yourself and not needing to feed that urge to excel and to prove oneself the best – and i have found that i am content to be in the midst of things without necessarily craving the attention of the pedestal of ostensible ‘leadership’. i have found that true leadership is servanthood, whether is it secular or otherwise, and is a burden not easily borne. real leadership requires sacrifice, which if you are not prepared to take on, will spoil what you set out to do.
year 1 has been a year where my close friends go overseas to study. i must admit that i miss them dearly, even though it sounds rather unmanly to do so. but let it be known that the great warriors and notables of legend with whom i am so enamoured were all men of great emotion: King Arthur, Achilles, etc. in the knowledge that my friends are overseas and far far away i savor our friendships more. the geographical distances that separate us bear testament to the bonds of manly love that we share. when in the army one has a vague understanding of girls going overseas to study, and doctors deferring, but the reality of people flying overseas for long periods does not strike one as particularly apparent until it happens in year 1. and then you have people who go to different universities and courses and things like that, different majors, different classes. gone forever, i realise, are the times when your closest friends sat literally next to you, ate your honey stars, ran to buy ban mian and burn their throats eating it, and all sorts of things. now we are torn apart by the demands of the world. but there are things that bind boys that will forever be unbreakable… bonds which are manifested in things like basketball and The Avengers. one does not simply watch a bro show with anybody. And so to Linky, Koay, Lejon, and all the people left in singapore yet stuck in a different place, this is for you.