oh the not-so-terrible trials of my academic life

i’m ploughing through A.S. Byatt’s  Possession right now, its my lit text for one of my modules.

it is a most fascinating text. it is really a text about text, the most texty text i have ever read. most fascinating

i find myself wanting to read more but i just can’t keep going because its too fierce. its not like heart of darkness where i just had to put it down… possession is possessing me but my mortal shroud cannot contain the fiery immutable force of the book. it is too strong for me, my level is too low

i am at page 157, not bad for two days reading, considering that i am foaming hard at it. the good thing is that i want to keep reading it

it is too rich to finish at one go, i need to stop and consider it. it is difficult to keep switching modes of understanding when you have to read poems and letters and prose and conversation by so many different people but actually all written by the same author. byatt is an absolute genius i tell you. it is a genius i can appreciate but however cannot really begin to enjoy, not like now i enjoy… heinlein. who is my favourite author of course. but i have found stranger in a strange land hard to understand, i don’t get it at all. i get some of it but not all of it, the gist of the gist eludes me yet.

i have finished submitting the first set of essays and i have opened that pandora’s box which is the set for the final essays… all due in the same week. i am trembling under the load of a massive 12500 words, which is the estimated amount i am going to have to write, complete with citations and all that. which i do not like. 12500 words is for people like me who don’t write extremely long essays, i have a feeling people are going to be writing 3.5k word essays, those are crazy. madmen!

today i came across a beautiful turn of phrase… ‘guardian octopus… ocean Fafnir’ to describe beatrice nest in possession. wow! most elegant and deliciously nordic.

this essay thing is going to be something that hovers and follows me like a dark cloud… i do not like it very much. i shall attempt to attack these essays but the problem is that the modules haven’t been completely taught yet. i guess thats what uni is for, so that you can go forth and read everything and do it yourself. but it is difficult. rather much so

truly i can feel the enormity of the essays falling upon me. it is the most unprecedented academic challenge that i have ever met and i have my doubts about whether i am up to the task. something tells me that by the time i hit the 4th essay it will be of significantly lower quality than the second one. gragh. this blue-sy feeling is coming over me… it smells like burnt thunder. and taste of dreary grey rain, the kind which never stops and doesn’t allow you to play ball, that kind. that feeling is going to be on me for the next 3 weeks. i don’t like it when things are so intentionally difficult.

you know i am already trembling at the thought of doing a thesis. yuk yuk yuk.

all this said and done i guess i am glad to be the recipient of education. blessed i am… and so are you for being able to read

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